Customers Say The Darndest Things! {with apologies to Art Linkletter}

Here's a collection of pithy sayings and desperate pleas from your friend and mine, the Customer. I mean that seriously, since the Customer's money is green, and keeps us employed. My quotations, therefore, have not only a humorous angle, but a serious one, as they reveal the condition and situation of the Customer in ways that conversation with them outside the incident will almost always fail to deliver...

"Find out what's wrong with my network."

"Build me a network."

"See if you can hack into this address." - from a non-customer / member of the general public

"Why won't my virtual switch work?"

"What did you just do?"

"What did I just do?"

"What control panel app would get me around having to know commands?"

"Get me the log of the FSCK."

"Where are my backups?"

"This workstation has been up for months; why won't it log into your web app anymore? It can get everywhere else so the problem must be on your end."

"Fix my API code."

"Fix your API. This code should work."

"I shouldn't have to identify myself. Your security is a waste of my time."

"Why won't my server stay up?"

"What is RDP?"

No, really. All of those quotes reflect a legitimate customer need. They may or may not be needs within the scope of what you or I do, but if you can stretch the scope that restricts you somewhat, word gets around in the user community you serve that your outfit is solid and will help if it can. Word of mouth like that cannot be appraised highly enough. It's an extra mile that your competition probably won't take.